by Broadwoodwidger Polyphant
| Everyone loves watching a whole bunch of critters doing their natural thing in the wild! Odd and Hake set up camp in a copse near Ventongimps to observe it all going on, interpret what is going on for all the cloth-caps out there and generally be amazed at the spectacle of wild animals eating each other while all you viewers are having your tea. Lovely! |  |
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A bunch of celebrity amateurs attempt some tricky parking man-oeuvres with professional co-drivers. Each week the teams tackle a new parking challenge and each week one team is eliminated from the competition by a panel of expert judges famed for their expertise in the glamorous world of parking.... The show is introduced by Force Brusyth and Less Datey on Saturday nights for weeks and weeks on end! |
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).| Returns for another rousing season... they've done midgets, they've done faggots... Who will be next for non-PC scrutiny? The season starts with an investigation into... Cauliflowers! |
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| The Non-PC Show is presented by an obese eight-foot blonde transvestite and a young dark gentleman with no shirt. See it on Fridays at 20:00 on  |
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| A talent show for former pupils of Eliots Green Grammar School... some might say there's limited audience appeal here but we're sure you'll soon be riveted by extraordinary performances - such as Mark Wood in a scout cap, Hen Man's electrocute-a-teacher routine, Peter Lamb's antics in the chapel and excerpts from the Waldegrave House Play. To start the series off my highlight is Chris Howe ('Clin d'Oeil') reprising his calligraphic masterpiece transposing the title of his geography text book from 'North America' to 'Snot Eric'. |  heads for the EGGS Gym |
- Sundays only in Northolt| A new twist on the favourite TV Soap. In this show some chummy cockneys spend all their time cycling from Land's End to John O'Groats! |  |
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| Following the trend of mixing the erudite, avuncular news-reader with a glamorous bit of fluff, Gnus at Ten (first with the gnus, first with the fish!) will be presented by:- |  |
| ...and in, what he French would call, a 'double whammy', Carole and Bert will also host a weekly quiz about artiodactyla in general with a penchant for wildebeest in particular. |
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| Each week of this series someone is plucked from obscurity to be subjected to fifteen minutes of fame before being returned to his/her rightful place. The series starts with a painful attempt by local government officer Arthur Drabb to portray his all-time hero Mr. Pastry. |  |
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| One of two new and exciting series concentrating on aspects of dog-do in the twenty-first century. 'One Man And His Dog-do' follows people from every walk of life and discovers how their routine is challenged, changed and ultimately improved by their relationship with something which many have, until now, seen as 'just some mess on the street'. |
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...and on a lighter note, David Jacobs and Biddy Baxter host this new show which champions consumers in their daily struggles with bureaucracy in all areas of dog movements. |
channel.| A sort of quiz show hosted by Dusty 'Bin' Laden (irritating catch phrase 'Bin there, done that'). Participants have to solve the clues in order to keep the star prize (invariably a weekend break at the Barf Bed & Breakfast) but eliminate the booby prize, a genuine replica Food Desk replete with assorted waste food - especially old fish and mammoth cleanser. Each week Dusty will have a word-of-the-week which he will use as often as possibule. I have it on good authority that for the first show the 3-2-1 word of the week is STIRRUPS. |
channel.| Back by popular demand, this show needs no introduction! |
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| Introduced by none other than Legson Kayira! Shown Tuesdays at 21:48 (incl p & p) on the  channel. |
| An enthralling view of the arcane world of the flytipper. J.R. scours the land from West Teeth to Royston for the finest examples. A must for all who enjoyed his last series 'In Search Of The Lost Bottle Of Wee'. |
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| As any fool knows, you cannot separate a man from his saucepans. |
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