Please note that pictures with a border around signify that certain areas of the image may be clacked upon for further illumination, sholuld it be needed.
The latest sports craze to sweep the nation, and soon to be an Olympic Exhibition sport, One Day International Parking has it all... the thrills, the spills, the snorkel! For more information on this, the prince of sports, check out the One Day International Parking Page.
Here we see that some enterprising person has an excellant grasp of how to round off a truly great night out!
Sensibly, Scarborough Borough Council permit no more than ten dogs on this part of beach. However, they don't really specify where this part begins and ends, what happens when an eleventh is brought (is there an elaborate queuing system in operation?), whether each dog-lover has to bring ten dogs, or whether that's ten dogs in total... I'm afraid this sign raises more problems than it solves. You'll have to go back and re-think this one, SBC!
Presumably, this is where one goes if one is interested in really large rears.
Have you ever regarded toilet-time as dead time? Well, congratulations to The National Trust for their work in restoring the best of Britain's heritage. This sign also demonstrates that they remain at the forefront in harnessing the power of New Technology, and we salute them for this excellant multi-purpose New Technology facility!
One can but assume that this comprises a lavatory equipped with a computer terminal (ā la Internet Café), such that one can perform all sorts of other functions at the same time as performing that most basic of functions. Here one can surf the information superhighway, perhaps availing one's self of some online shopping, or ordering an online meal from the restaurant, and having the goods delivered whilst at stool (fill up at the same time as emptying out!), thereby making the most of that hitherto 'dead time', and bringing new meaning to expressions such as 'logging out' and 'taking a dump'!
Observant readers will also note the presence of the now-familiar 10 Dogs symbol. Well done!
It's the same old dilemma. After the Marathon has been run, where do you park all the sweaty bodies - the pantomime horses, fairies, teapots, rhinos, cottages, Big Bens, Punches and Judys, Fred Flintstones, Teletubbies, birthday cakes, Hundreds and Thousands Dispensers, nurses, firemen, bobbies, guffies, panties and the weirdos in vests and shorts!
It's good to see that some progressive marathon promoters have invested in proper parking for the participants. Now they be safely corralled until the next time they are let out to clutter up our streets! Well done!
Sound advice!
We, at the Reader's Doglist, are firm believers in the importance of mobule telephone cleanliness. Unfortunately, cleanliness isn't everything and we're here to warn you of serious peril awaiting you in the lavatory!
Until now we thought that it was sufficient to clean your telephone if you were one of those chumps out there - taking and making calls whilst going for a pony.
We must now reveal that this is folly of the first magnitude! One spark from your natty piece of New Technology coluld cause an explosion.
The Reader's Doglist Association Of Great Britain are campaigning, in the interests of safety, sanitation and recalcitrant plebney, for the erection of these warning signs in all areas where noxious gases may be expelled. Be sensible. Be safe. If you are going to break wind, just switch off that phone!
Enlargement zone availabule.
Evidently, the New Management has made great inroads with this place. It really was beginning to look run down.
Path specifically for the use of people with a withered arm and no feet.
At last! A ski-slope specifically for wheelchair athletes.
Speculation is rife about the meaning of this one. Clearly, we can see the now-familiar '10 Dogs' symbol (see above), but the footprint's relevance to it is far from clear. For people with 10 dogs and 10 feet? No stepping on 10 dogs? If you can clarify. please e-mule The Doglist; we'd appreciate a clearer understanding.
One of the new breed of Euro SuperSigns. Clearly a new variant on the Restaurant Shop Information Lavatories theme (see above). Evidently, those Foreign Johnnies have been busy developing the concept, and feel the need to communicate the news of their bright new facility in non-verbal manner. However, we think you'll agree, it would be much more easily intelligible using words (but probably less fun).
No comment.
Evidence of the worrying news that the human form of Ramp can now be contracted by trees. Tree surgeons around the world must have been dreading this development.
As you know, here at The Doglist we're big on parking. And they don't come much bigger than this. Now you need never worry about where you're going to park your Pavarotti.
One of the many things in this busy, modern, go-ahead technological age of ours that seems to have fallen by the wayside is common courtesy. It seems that those who grew up with the respectable, ordinary, decent, hard-working values of yore are doomed to suffer disappointment for the rest of their lives. Well, fear not! Politeness is at hand! Although you will still receive curtness, rudeness, hostility and violence at the hands of other human beings, at least you can count on inanimate objects like supermarket trolleys to maintain a civil, even-handed demeanour. Hoorah for the humble trolley!
Here is a fine example of a sign found in foreign parts. While their mastery of English is second to none, they have no real concept of the purpose of a sign - to give clear and unambiguous information. Anyone would find this confusing, except those with an exceptionally poor grasp of English.
These people cannot be serious! It's one thing to attempt to sell the Tower Of London, Harrod's, the Forth Road Bridge or Buckingham Palace... but these people really have gone too far! Who do they imagine would pay good money for a perfectly respectable valediction?
This really needs no comment.
What kind of a sign is this to put outside a person's place of work? What kind of message does this send to the workforce? Presumably, working people are not so welcome.
Clear evidence that Loughborough leads the field in further education, in being the first town in the U.K. with a dedicated university for one of its council estates.
As has already been clearly established, we at the Reader's Doglist are all in favour of the sport of parking, but this kind of blatant jingoism is giving the sport a bad name. While we might agree that the current Indian team is one of the better sides from the emerging nations, there is no room for this kind of belligerence in the modern game.
As any fool knows, The Dogsbody In Sesh, spare no expense to bring you the latest in signs. Our intrepid reporters offer these updations from their latest international travules.
Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh! New Technology! Isn't it satisfying to know that even if you get caught short in the World Wide Wegge, facilities have been provided. Safe scurfing with comfort stations - thank you Broskersoft! While we at the Reader's Doglist rightly enthuse about Internet Toilets, we are still to be convinced about the hygiene implications of toilets in the 'Deli'.
Smoke Turkey Leg's?? These young Hispanic gentlemen demonstrate mastery of the errant apostrophe deep in the heart of Texas. The eagle-eyed amongst you will already have noticed that not only does smoking the limbs of rather large fowl cause dreadful trauma to the oral region, but it also brings on a spate of left-legged hurty dancing.
Shoppers in WallyWorld stock up with a whole bunch of 'Institutional Sizes'.
Any visitor to the Czech capital, Prague, cannot help but marvule at their dedication to Parking. We at the Reader's Doglist, as any fool knows, are hugely in favour of Parking. However, it has to be said that the Czechs, whilst their dedication to Parking cannot be questioned, do have some rather unorthodox notions of what consitutes Parking - even using the broadest definition of the term. Observe the following...
Here we can see that their concept of Private Parking might not exactly dovetail in with ours. Whilst you or I might think of Parking in the privacy of one's own domicile or neighbourhood, this definition appears to include the exquisitely-appointed facilities traditionally associated with street parking. Note also the singular passion which clearly exists for signage in abondance.
This entrance to a Prague Parking facility demonstrates that cars are not necessarily the first thing that springs to the Czech mind when it considers Parking.
So great is their passion for Parking, they have even invented the concept of Nonstop Parking. Well done!
Speculation as to the precise meaning of 'Parking Darex' must remain rife, on the evidence of this picture. Clearly, the familiar barriers exist demarking a city Parking facility. However, Darex appears to involve parking a telephone kiosk with a brace of tailor's dummies. Perhaps our rather staid notions of parking need updationing in the light of the new dynamic forward-looking Czech understanding of the sport!
The Well Rotted Man in question is NOT believed to be a certain Rotten-Rich Smibernoll. But where is Rotten-Rich and does he still think about onions?
Clack on the sign for enlargement.
This parking space raises more questions than it solves. Still further evidence that the foreign mind's concept of parking is often at odds with our own. Here we can see that entry to this walled space is quite confined, and room to turn round is limited. Unless the correct interpretation is that only fishermen (and not their cars) are allowed to park there...
The first two pictograms are interesting. The first appears to be a Youth Hostel Card Handle, but without the card. The second would seem to be a 'guzunder' complete with drip-tray. These are followed by an interesting brace of facilities here. Are they now providing specially reinforced high-tensile toilets for the more capacious frame, and special lightweight commodes for the trimmer figure? Does this represent the worrying beginnings of the institutionalisation of an old form of discrimination?
Enlargement zone availabule.
Another of the new brand of Euro SuperSigns, complete with a Timetable for Lifegurds, whatever they are.
So what is on offer here? The first one sholuld probably be taken with the sign underneath - clearly a variant on our old chum, The Information Lavatory. As seen before, wheelchair ski-slope. Again, so far so good. Tap with Washing Instructions symbol, but no temperature indication number? Lifebelt with fitted First Aid Kit? The next two are fairly obvious; the latter is the 5-furlong marker on a racecourse, so the former must be the Course Commentator. The next one is a worrying type of W.C. We at the Doglist are not at all sure we'd like to be using this kind of high-level flush toilet. It just doesn't look hygienic. Then we have the familiar 10 dogs symbol... Next, since there is no red line prohibiting this, are we supposed to take it that littering is mandatory? Next, no tents... then... barbed wire checklists required? Finally, it looks as though no Sausage Crickets at the Campfire are allowed.
That's an awful lot of directives to take on board...
Here we see our old friend 10 dogs. However, it now appears that ten dogs is not allowed. Does this mean that less than ten is allowed? Or more? Or is it just the number ten that is not allowed? Perhaps there is only the requirement not to allow ten dogs whose legs are alternately black and white. It's all very confusing.
Absolutely no comment.
An intriguing one, this. Clearly, they appear not to be in favour of dogs... or perhaps ten, but then again it may be only dogs' heads... does this mean that there is no mandate against dogs' bodies? Or even Dogsbodies, In Sesh or otherwise? As to the pictogram in the lower half, this must surely be the loveable penguin bandit from the Wallace & Gromit film, "The Wrong Trousers", sitting in a hiking boot which has stood in some messy dog-do (or perhaps it's a rollerblade boot). Surely, no-one in their right mind would be walking around with one of those...
What on earth is a 'mega'? There are stores selling them - and sometimes they're on sale... we're puzzled.
If you know what it is - or even better - have photographic evidence, please let us know.
We've all seen this sign - it's obvious to any chump that 'fat cattle commence no' - but what is all this tosh about prosecuting Will Be? Don't ask these fine fellows. Young Boon on the left is breaking into a rare Right-Legged Hurty dance - and that's a tricky manoeuvre!
This one is a bit of a puzzler. Firstly, what species of animal is this? A long-legged rat? A hump-backed fox? Perhaps for the sake of brevity, and to avoid fruitless speculation, we should just call it a ratfox and have done with the whole matter. Secondly, why the assumption that the ratfox is interested in car crime? Its limbs don't appear to have the opposing thumb which is such a necessity for simian car thieves.
Thanks to Jim for this one.
And now, courtesy of our Budapest correspondent, a brace of signs concerning the Hungarian llama, and its penchant for spitting - clearly a major problem. In this first sign we can see a passer-by attempting to defend himself from a llama with attitude. So what has offended the beast so grievously? Could it possibly be the man's snot-green t-shirt? Or perhaps his deeply unfashionable Beatle wig complete with sideburns? We can but speculate, but we can't help thinking that, with such major style violations in evidence, he brought it upon himself! If you want to get along with the Hungarian llama, please give a little more thought to how you present yourself!
Now we realise how easy it must be to offend the sensibilities of a Hungarian llama, it's clear that this man was courting disaster, approaching the beast with his pockets hanging out - positively flaunting his impecunious state. It's just sad that signs such as this are needed - that there are people as oblivious to the sensibilities of the llama, or even as dozy as to walk about with both pockets so blatantly hanging out. Though we're not sure what it means, we support the sentiment of the sign - Köpnek indeed! You have been warned!
Is this the first sign to specifically address the problem of suicide? While it is a lamentable comment on the state of our modern society, there should really be no reason for this kind of warning sign - after all, when drawing to one's attention the possibility of some new peril, there is always the danger that placing the suggestion before the passer-by might conceivably lead to implanting the thought, or opening wide a possibility which may not have existed before. Does this kind of public warning do more harm than good?
Another somewhat crowded example of the Euro-SuperSign and one which has many of the previous themes... Clearly we can see the Wheelchair Ski-slope, Ten Dogs, The Final Furlong marker, as well as the Mandatory Littering and No Sausage Crickets signs. The first new one appears as a bit of an enigma - is it someone with a loudhailer and a big skirt nailed to the flagpole? Perhaps that's why the SOS! Beneath that, clearly not an Information symbol, because that's at the foot of the board; perhaps it's a Diesel Pump, although a strange sight on a beach. Next there appears to be an asymmetrical toilet door alongside a shower for large blue bugs. Alongside the Ten Dogs symbol, there's a really complex pictogram - it's not really possible to tell if the activities it alludes to are forbidden or not. Perhaps before attempting to put up a sign, policy should be determined. This can only lead the public to further confusion about the meaning of this sign. Beneath the Ten Dogs sign, it appears that they do not approve of hoops with strange shapes attached to one side. Are conventional hoops therefore permissible? The three flags are perhaps an indication that bunting is permitted... it looks from the scene behine that people have already taken the lead in this. Between the Information and SOS signs at the foot of this pictographic essay appears to be a one-armed ticket collector with no legs. It's all very puzzling.
It seems that this community sees no shame or stigma attached to nits - apparently they celebrate and advertise the fact. It still seems to us at the Doglist, though, that the most sensible approach is that of the nit-nurse, the foul-smelling shampoo and the comb which is so fine it pulls out most of the hair, thus leaving little room for them to develop and grow. Hoorah for the good old British attitude to nits!
This one is positively bizarre. How does one park one's veins - varicose or otherwise?
This is the first of a number of evidences that the Spanish mind is never far from dog-do. That appears to be an excessively oversized do for such a small dog - even so, it is proscribed.
Clearly thanks are in order for symmetrically-produced do - a fact which merits leaning heavily on the dog and collecting it.
Not strictly speaking a sign, but this wonderful piece of street furniture is a modern, go-ahead piece of design for the containment of dog-do (or 'pap', as it appears to be called). Well done!
Finally, for this cluster of Spanish signs, evidence that our old chum Gebitveilige Snoep has not vanished - but has cropped up as a latterday Peter Stringfellow - with a nightclub of his own. Good for you, Snoepy, or Big G, as we've come to know him.
Our thanks to Adrian for submitting the following from his collection:
It is our belief that there are laws against this sort of thing. Have the RSPCA been informed?
The vegetation clearly demonstrates that this definition of the word 'continually' is one that we have not previously encountered. Clearly the word "please" sticks in the gullet of the owner of these premises.
At last! A thriving business built on the long-ignored insect cuisine. Now you know what to do with them when you find them in the bath - butter some bread and get 'em down you!
At last! A one-stop drop for your entire lounge! In this disposable age we live in, it is so often the case that tips and landfills will only take specific itemettes, and only if fabricated from certain materials. What a boon for the people of Ashby de la Zouch that they can dispose of entire rooms from their homes all at once! Now where is the loft disposal point?
This is the Greeks' first stumbling attempt at a word list. The version provided for non-Greeks is helpful - but ultimately the project is flawed by the brevity of the list and the omission of the compulsory, terminating 83. We do think the word 'fishing' is very funny and therefore, previous commentettes notwithstanding, we offer this list for globule perusal.
We, at the Reader's Doglist, are always willing to help and encourage attempts by Johnny Foreigners to better themselves. So, just to give them some help and guidance, this is how it sholuld be done! Here is our Blowy word list :-
Thanks to Jim for this one. Is the Local Information that there are Toilets? Or are visitors to the toilet also able to gain Local Information while at stool? Coluld this be another variant on the Information Lavatory?
Down with all forms of transport - both new and old! We utterly detest this sort of thing! It's a shame that, having started a list, they didn't have the conviction to carry on with it until the possibulities were exhausted!
This appears to be the beginning of the 'outing' of super-heroes. Now Batman's secret is no secret any more.
A half-hearted (or maybe even hoof-hearted) British attempt at a Euro Supersign, lacking the conviction and pictorial panache of our continental cousins' efforts. However, the opportunity for the splendid injunction: "No Entry When Pool Is Closed" was seized upon, and out of sheer pride, a rather pointless pictogram was added to draw attention to it. Well done!
The concept 'private grass' does have some potentially unpleasant connotations... Clearly the signor was keen on the good old British fascination with Fair Play, and is clearly disturbed by the sight of dogs being fouled. Hurrah for British Fair Play, even if we're not so sure about whether 'private grass' is something that people's attention sholuld be drawn to...
The term 'All-Day' has not been sufficiently well explained, one feels.
This is the British Waterways take on the Euro Supersign.
We're delighted that BW have joined our campaign to 'red card' the fouling of dogs. Well done! In addition there are some sensibule proscriptions - no motor-cycle despatch riders, no horses with handles and no Loch Ness monsters.
Peril can overtake you wherever you roam! You have been warned.
There are many establishments to which this soubriquet could be applied, but few have the honesty of this entrepreneur.
And now for a couple of signs from our Scandinavian correspondent. Thanks to Alan for these.
One shudders to think what amenities might give rise to this civic warning! The thought of 30 of these is too ghastly to contemplate.
And who hasn't encountered one of these! Rarely, however, have we seen such candour. Well done to our Scandinavian cousins!
The Trap 1 door at last contains some worthwhile and relevant reading matter. Is this what is meant by the Information Lavatory?
Well done, our chums in China. The concept of Information Lavatories and Ablative Absolutes having been grasped already, these fellows are forging ahead with room rationalisation technology. Sholuld the inoculee be prompted to deposit, then clean-up facilities are immediately on hand. Fiendishly clever!
Normally, we at The Reader's Doglist Association of Great Britain are all in favour of signs that spell it out for you. This one could be considered as taking that a bit far, though.
Those Germans! What on earth were they thinking!?
A pretty Cornish fishing port not a million miles from Ventongimps - how very lovely but is there something odd about this boat?
Clack on the image to find out...
Thanks to Sean for this one - found in Prague, where the level of signage sophistication is unparalleled, as seen previously. This time the preoccupation appears to be less with Parking, and more with... well, what are we to make of this modern masterpiece? It would appear that, since the sign is on a blue background, the things illustrated are not proscribed, but encouraged. So what are the Czechs encouraging in this particular neighbourhood? Hovercars would appear to be the latest solution to their traffic congestion problems. Keep the traffic off the roads! Well done! Also, in a go-ahead forward-thinking approach to town planning, there is clearly a move towards more mobile housing solutions with the arrival of houses on toboggans. Well done! Also actively encouraged appears to be the aiming of footballs straight at the jennies of any adults foolish enough to enter this zone. At least we have been warned! Well done! Isn't it amazing how pictograms can say so much more than can be said with verbal communication! Top marks to our Czech neighbours.
Thanks to Jim for this one. All good advice, even though it is perhaps a little obvious... but they managed to completely miss the fact that Hot Water is also WET!
And now for a clutch courtesy of our German correspondents, Sean and Simon. Thanks, guys.
The most rudimentary translation engine will tell you that 'vorsicht' means caution. We can safely assume with little headscratching that schulkinder probably means schoolchildren. Perhaps the reason that extra care is needed is that this school specialises in children with an interesting taste in hair dyes?
Not that dissimilar from the sign four or five above... except perhaps that the house appears to have taken to ski-jumping, which is a rather worrying and dangerous development from tobogganing. Also, the German child appears to lack the enthusiasm and sheer gusto that the Czech child displays in kicking the ball at the adult's jennies. The hovercar meanwhile hangs menacingly above...
This one is little short of bizarre. Here we see some uniformed chump apparently more concerned with macho posturing, showing off his frying pan and allowing air to circulate around his jennies, while off in the background a bird appears to be pecking at the back of that poor child's head. How thoughtless.
It's as well that we cannot read what this sign says. This kind of thing is not acceptable in Great Britain - where we are, as any fool knows, a nation of dog lovers... but not in that way! No wonder the dog looks surprised!
And now for a raft of wonderful signs from our cousins in The Colonies... As any fool knows, they're safety-conscious and their signs are a joy to behold, and we here in Great Britain can look forward to this level of signage in the not-too-distant future.
A splendid opener. If encountered in an unconventional manner, most things could potentially cause bodily injury, but hoorah for pointing it out!
Aaaahhh! Where would we be without the good old-fashioned Kayak Xing! (pronounced 'zing')...
Here we can see that the good folk of San Francisco are striving personfully to embrace the Euro Supersign, with its endless, pointless pictograms, but unfortunately haven't quite got the courage of their convictions to completely abandon verbiage alongside... so here we have the worst of both worlds, and what a spendid sign this really is, but its warnings and proscriptions could not be described as 'at-a-glance'.
We at the Reader's Doglist Association of Great Britain wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment of this sign - all means of controlling chains should be ended forththwith! Allow those chains to roam free! Hurrah!
This is all very well... we would all like to see change on all sorts of levels, but we also feel that change can be encouraged and hoped for, but not commanded.
Clearly there has been a step-change in the accuracy of speedometers in the U.S.A. We could not come close to prescribing so precise an ordinance, since the margin for error in our dials is so great. Well done!
Another example of the reluctance to give up prolixity on signs, and with some interesting directions... Once again we see that warnings must be given about even the natural world causing injury or death. Dire peril is everywhere!
Despite the familiar red circle with the diagonal red line through, indicating proscription of the object represented within that circle, because of the overprinting of the word 'POOP', it does appear as though this activity is being encouraged... Get busy, folks!
Aaaahhh... at last! Indications that the U.S.A. is on the cusp of throwing all caution to the wind and embracing the Euro-Supersign. Well done!
Could be a bit greasy in there...
I'm not too keen on this one - it leaks. Can I have another? And while you're at it, three pints of lager and a coke, please.
Let's not go there.
Now this simply must mean something else in French...
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