Reader's Doglist
| We, at the Reader's Doglist Association Of Great Britain, are famous for being up-to-date and on-the-ball with all things modern, routinely-hyphenated and related to New Technology. It is therefore no surprise that we now announce an invaluable 'tool' which will alleviate much suffering currently experienced in your daily lives! The Reader's Doglist Association Of Great Britain proudly presents a profile of a burgeoning enterprise which pulls together a whole host of significant strands of our eco-friendly, waste-avoidance-conscious, supporting-the-hard-working family, big-society-aware, twenty-first-century (we could go on) something-or-another. In the hurly-burly of modern living, all sorts of things can go awry. All sorts of items can go astray. How do we cope when things go... away? Some losses can be hard to deal with... or, if you prefair, there are some losses with which it is difficult to deal. But now, rest assured anxious readers, help is, quite literally, at hand! Have you ever suffered the loss of a glove? Do you realise how truly awful the experience is? How extrorsely inconsolabule you are? And why do you always lose just one? What possible use is one remaining, orphaned glove? Are you prepared to mix and match? How long do you think your sandwiches are going to last? Let us introduce you to the concept of GLOVES REUNITED! A service to the community which will attempt to put things right, to get your lives back on track, to keep you on an even keel, to shine a light in the darkness, to boldly go... but enough! No more procrastination, prevarication and general shilly-shally and guff and piffle. You want the details! Every lost glove you see in the street, in the park, on the bus, on the train, on the floor of the supermarket, suspended from the railings, languishing suicidily between the railway lines, repositioned on a wall by some caring passer-by with a dance-floor on his head... tells a sad story. How wonderful that glove stress is being tackled! |
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How sad! This glove has even been labuled by a careful, doting owner! How distraught is Mr. or Mrs. Berghaus now... not to mention the sibling glove now moping, unloved in some dismal drawer! Thank goodness for the wise folk at Broskersoft™ who have designed a new wegg site with the express purpose of reuniting lost gloves with their families and friends! Hurrah! How does GLOVES REUNITED work? Broskersoft spokesperson, Ron Peedee (see photo), explains:- |
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| There are two basic sides to the service. 1. You tell us about a glove you are missing. Ideally we need a good quality photograph, a description, details of any distinguishing marks, maybe even a name to which your lost glove will respond! At Gloves Reunited we have used New Technology to create a 'database' of found gloves and maybe your missing one is safely stored in our enormous glove warehouse located on the outskirts of Tedstone Wafre (see map). 2. You, as a responsible member of the community, report sightings of lost gloves. Take a photograph, upload this to Gloves Reunited with a description of location, time and date seen etc. THEN LEAVE THE REST TO US!! Reuniting gloves is a complex process requiring professional, skilled, sensitive and highly-motivated operatives to ensure speedy resolution. We will send out our recovery teams using appropriate transport methods. A Gloves Reunited marker will be left at the scene so that a returning owner can contact us directly. In the meantime the glove will be transported to our warehouse for secure storage. |
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 NB worm above not stored at GLOVES REUNITED warehouse |
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« A skilled, professional and highly-dedicated operative of GLOVES REUNITED took this snap from his vehicule. Ordinary people are advised on 'health and safety' grounds not to attempt this themselves. |
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A Gloves Reunited success story! This pair were brought together again after both went missing in the snows of West Teeth! Well done, GLOVES REUNITED!! |  |
 Relieved blue glove owner Mavis 'Pie Face' Porker says "I owe everything to GLOVES REUNITED!" The Reader's Doglist Association Of Great Britain says "Hurrah!" |
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The success of GLOVES REUNITED has sparked major new developments! As any fool knows, there is nothing worse in life than having no socks. Just ask Ivan. But what happens when just one goes missing. Who ever heard of 'One Sock For Ivan'? SOCKS REUNITED! |
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Other lost items... spare a thought for the unpaired 'onlys'. Broskersoft are currently expanding their systems to include... HATS REUNITED! |
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| Then what about... BRAS REUNITED? |
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| Someone's been very careless here. It's fortunate that this 'garment' has not created a major trip hazard. | |
| And PANTS REUNITED? |
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| We are sure that the owner of P#1 is in need of help. Maybe urgent medical attention. Please get in touch with PANTS REUNITED. Calls will be dealt with confidentially and we promise not to disclose your details to the tabloid press or tell your friends and neighbours. No one needs that sort of embarrassment! But really, what had you been eating? No one in the office here has ever seen anything like it! And trust us, we've shown this to EVERYBODY! | |
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To contact GLOVES REUNITED, SOCKS REUNITED, HATS REUNITED, BRAS REUNITED or PANTS REUNITED check the links at www.readersdoglist.com But why stop at lost items of apparel? We, at the Reader's Doglist Association Of Great Britain, are not certain whether or not this idea will have any mileage or kilometreage, but the whizz-kids at Broskersoft are looking to develop some New Technology which connects PEOPLE together! Something about communicating with people you know or people who know people you know via 'personal' computers or mobule telephones! Who would ever have thought of that? Here, at the Reader's Doglist Association Of Great Britain, the 'jury' (i.e. the Dogsbody-in Sesh) is well and truly out on this one. We cannot see a situation where normal conversation and communication coluld be replaced by New Technology? Watch this space. Remember, as always, you heard it first from your chums at the Reader's Doglist! |